Quoted By:
My Dearest Callie,
Construction has been going on in the roads around my house for about a month now. I finished my to-do list a little late today so I ended up spending 40 minutes waiting on a single road for the workers to slowly funnel cars through their worksite at a 4-way intersection. But I didn't mind it. I felt fulfilled from my trip to the gym, the sweltering heat of the summer sun had given way to a cool autumn breeze, and the soothing strings and ivory of the classical music station were flitting through the air just as gracefully.
Music has always had a profound effect on me. The first time I noticed this, I was just four years old taking part in some early-learning school program (which doubled as a daycare while my parents worked). During nap time they would pull out these blue cots made out of tightly-woven plastic, turn off the lights, and play calming music over the intercom. There was one song in their playlist that had a more somber tone than the rest, and it would always bring me to tears whenever it played. The caretakers, hearing me sniveling, would always pull me aside and ask what was wrong, but I guess I was just too autistic to tell them it was the song. I remember it evoking visions in my head of my mother in a court room, and a judge delivering the sentencing that would take her away from me. I don't know why it made me think of that, nothing remotely similar has ever happened to me in my life, I guess it was just a lonely-sounding song. Music still brings me to tears sometimes, though not due to a vivid and fearful imagination, but because of the emotions it conveys, especially when used to elevate another piece of media like a videogame. It really helps to immerse you, to put yourself in the shoes of the character you're playing as and feel their emotions and their struggles, channeling their power and their determination as they face down the evil that has inflicted so much pain and torment on them and the ones they love, and sharing in the triumph and the peace that washes over them when they accomplish their mission.
Music has also acted as a guide for me too. Whenever I would feel lost or frustrated, and I didn't have anyone to talk to (or the skills to talk to them), music would always be there for me, helping me untangle my thoughts and steady my heart. It would always know what to say. Or maybe I was just good at getting what I needed out of it. It was music that gave me the courage to ask out my first girlfriend. She only said yes because she felt sorry for me, but that's another story.
I sometimes think about how one of the stereotypical, eye-rolling "old person grievances" that you'll hear is them saying that music has corrupted the youth. Well, I think it can be true in some cases. If I can get such positive energy out of the music I listen to, I'm sure that people in worse circumstances listening to angrier, more spiteful music could be influenced in a negative way by it. I guess I should count myself lucky that I've been primarily exposed to positive influences in my life, like you, Callie. Thank you for exposing yourself to me.
And the Beat Goes On, John Nyadams
