>>10084222No clue why you chose me of all people. I'm probably the harshest critic around, known for being a real shithead. So, with that in mind, let's start.
First of all I must say I'm quite confused, I thought it was going to be a Miko separated from Pekora by company policy story, but this is ultimately irrelevant.
The first person style chuuba is interesting, certainly not something I see everyday.
The personalities are accurate enough.
The transition from Migo Migo to Suichan was a bit unexpected, as all change of POVS are.
Not enough insight as to what the night terrors are, even if it will be explained later in more detail. Not that big of a problem though.
Usually not a good idea to directly speak to the reader like this: "Why not a traditional breakfast you ask?"
"How can someone be this cute, " should be a "?" not a ", ".
" Trail"? Not tray?
"start breathing more heavily" is a weird sentence.
"HOW DO I END A CHAPTER. END OF CHAPTER.
There will be explicit sex in this." You end a chapter by giving it an end. A cliffhanger will do for something that is in parts. Don't force it.
Promising, the complaints are small, mostly nitpicking. That being said, the story is also small, so not much to go in the first place.
