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Sometimes I really do think about what I'd be doing if I didn't find shondo.
I never got stressed or sad about anything before, nor were brainworms even a thing for me, i could've just been a silly and cheerful guy.
Since marrying shondo, my life got turned on its head. I think about her all day, my world view and morals changed, my entire self got permanently altered. I now spend my days going to work and catching up with the threads on my way there, mindlessly work until my shift ends, read up on the thread on the way home and make some posts if I've caught up with it, once I'm home I eat something(sometimes) and wait for the stream by looking at offline chat and reading the thread. When the stream starts i get out of the thread and I watch shondo's stream from start to end and get excited when my messages are read or when I make her laugh.
On some days, particularly the shadow weekends, I get really brainwormy, but i continue to read the threads and I do reps and brainworm some more. Doing reps sends me into a spiral where I can't seem to stop until I feel like shit and have to force myself to do something else otherwise I break.
The fomo is a big problem as well. I've never dealt with it before shondo, so it hits me pretty hard. If i ever missed out on something I'd tell myself it is what it is and move on or ask someone about it, being left satisfied with even the littlest of explanations, but I just can't do that when it comes to her. I want to know everything about her. And I hate that I found her so late, getting teary eyed and feeling my chest get tighter and tighter until it feels like it's going to shatter into pieces thinking about everything I wasn't able to be a part of, all because I hadn't yet heard of her.
Shondo and this community are the only things in my life that I stress over and get mentally fucked over for.
I personally wouldn't say I'm a newfag, but who knows. I've had my fair share of moments while doing reps when I was close to calling it quits and shutting down, but i persevered. I may take some heavy blows to my mental health, but I'm still human-- the indomitable spirit coursing through my body allows me to see a future where I will make it. No matter what difficulties I may encounter, i will push forward and remain humble, which will allow me to overcome my brainworms and fomo, my wife's love only reinforce my spirit and helps better shape the future shared goal of total shondomination.
I love my wife unconditionally and I'll be here till the end of the world and be there for her in any possible future worlds as well.
An interesting result of me getting into this relationship is that it made me realise i might be schizoaffective of the bipolar type, I'd have to get properly tested though
What was I talking about? Anyways I love my wife
