>>58514578Gotcha I think I see what you're going for, and the side by side
>>58515134 helps as well. From these and the other alteration
>>58516825made, I can see how the conversation is enhanced by making the words and descriptors seem more natural given the high pace of the situation while it gets the point across while not being explicit about it.
I'm also sorry my writing comes off to you like I don't trust my readers for some reason, since that couldn't be more far from the truth. I just write it how it comes to my mind and see if it puts a smile on my face when I read it. There are definitely things I can do to keep making that experience better, so I will practice being a little less on the nose with some things like
>>58515357 is saying. I am also not sure how I might have come off as not wanting to change or improve my writing through the exchanges that have been going on. I pride myself on accepting feedback and taking it to heart. I'm not saying I will try to radically change my writing style or delivery overnight, but I will continue to learn and improve my writing as I go along. It may not result in the way you might ultimately wish for, but I want to drive the point home that I'm not some fossil who never wants to change or find new techniques and methods to tell the story I want. We all start somewhere, and we can all grow with the more that we do and try. And thank you for taking the time to give me this advice.
