>>88904381I said this to the last Anon but the stuffiness was generally intentional, its supposed to mirror the storm outside and emulate a "It was a dark and stormy night" kind of story. Not to say that it couldn't be trimmed to be smoother in some parts, that I can see. The Marine scene that was pointed out was a good example and so I have no doubt that's is the fics Achilles heel.
My idea for the dream sequence was to emulate those dreams in which scenes just kind of happen in sequence with no delineation, where one moment just merges right into the next. I wanted it to feel disorientating but it sounds like it suffers from the same general stuffiness.
I was originally going to make this a comedy fic but reneged on that because I didn't think such gag could last an entire fic. So instead I decided to play it straight and hope that the comedy came from that with the gags at the end being a signal of normalcy.
Thanks for reading though.
>>88952746Congrats to the winners. The Last September is an interesting fic about a topic I always liked the philosophy behind. Balck and Wright was a fun one too, we don't usually get poems.
