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Hello, yes, hi, liaschizo here. Lia broke her nail on stream again tonight. I thought about it a lot in fact it completely subsumed my attention for the rest of her heartfelt wholesome disclosure. I don't know how to process these moments at the best of times let alone while navigating the complexities of the chuuba sphere. I always have the schizo hallucinatory out as the moment was, perhaps, entirely fabricated in my mind a rare lapse of dead are that I self generated some self soothing Lia acknowledgement for my own satisfaction. I hold out hope this is the least likely interpertation. Then of course there is what most likely happened Lia, in her generosity and grace, giving but a crumb of acknowledgement to my existence but such couldn't be offered without payment. No, Lia perfectly inverted the expression I so loved from the previous stream in what I could delude myself as a playful dismissal of my enthusiasm for the performance. The heart swells to consider it from any angle but with acknowledgement always comes the specter of doubt. Lia's tone held the perfect sliver of defeat at trying to convey something genuine in my sick mind an almost accusatory tinge the quiet admission. This is when the restraints begin to unfasten on my mind. What if she had really hurt herself, if not this time in the perfectly plausable clumsy drunken state, then before in the previous stream where she so beautifully folded out her pain into an entire experience for us to appreciate. The unfamiliar, yet welcome, shame and guilt from this innocuous rebuke was enough to leave my mind and heart racing from the trespass at being unable to refrain from alleviating some of the pent up schizo parasocial pressure that mounts and swells and threatens to pop rivets in my barely functioning head meat. I try to combat these encroaching feelings by telling myself it's all a part of the act but my delusions bite back ever hungry for more with what if? What if Lia took the third option from the previous schizo ramble and ran with it splintering and cracking her carefully arranged investment on stream just for that satisfaction. What would some made up menhera even do with two broken nails now freed up on her hand. I won't let the divinity of the exchange escape in my own lurid dalliances instead flagellating myself at the indiscretion of ever calling an expression of genuine pain into question again. Lia's two broken nails marching wherever they may go one can only hope side by side and in search of rapid repair. Lia can't keep hurting herself like this on stream or at the very least she should be adequately compensated. Knowing Lia's personal wish list and the brilliant mirror she wants to gaze into could that time be spent any more cruelly towards her Operators? We're spoiled as it is with Lia getting all this good zatsudan gush but I can barely hold it together thinking about how the rest of the year is going to play out with her Malware games. How am I supposed to find a price on this whole lot of fun?
