>>15999169So going in order of cons, pros and final thoughts:
- Even though I got most of the pop culture references, I'd probably leave them out. Or at the very least write them in a way to where someone wouldn't understand the reference wouldn't know one was being made, so as not to alienate or confuse the reader if they don't get it. Especially during the sex scenes where the focus is on the erotica and you don't want their confusion taking them out of it.
- I think the text didn't needed to be separated so much. Usually there's a break when the subject changes or when it gets too long.
- The title works just fine.
- Good enough for establishing who the relationship between the two.
- As someone who watches Kronii (semi-)regularly I'd say she's pretty much "in character" for this type of story.
- You did a good enough job at describing her body.
- The build up and the sex scene were well balanced, well paced and we got enough of each.
- The tags were well delivered and makes for good domination loss.
- The orgasm was the highlight of the fic and the finger licking was a good way to keep the scene going with losing all it's momentum.
- You also did a good job leaving the reader wanting more for a next chapter by promising what was to come later.
Overall, this was pretty good for a first smut and I definitely do encourage more and hopefully a continuation as this was just a first chapter. All in all, 8/10 (if I'm not being too generous for a first smut). Pretty solid for what it is but still has room to grow.
It did give me a rock-hard boner. Good fic and good work. Keep it up.
