>>7234831Well it's not really tiring since if the streams happen, which most of the time they do, I'm at the peak of happiness. It's days like this when there might be a stream but there's no guarantee that I kinda get sad about it. Or if before ending a stream she says something like 「明日は…何かします、はい」which I know that it's not 100% guaranteed but I start anticipating it anyways like the idiot I am and the next day when she doesn't tweet anything about streams then I slowly just start feeling real hollow about it.
>I end up missing it and legit cry for a bitI don't think I've ever missed more than two. I'm way too dedicated lmao. Though lately I've had a more healthy mindset with catching live streams, I skipped the past couple of tournaments because I didn't feel like watching Apex at all after seeing a few months of very questionable scheduling. Speaking of, in a sense it's good she had that period of poor performance, as it kind of brought me back to reality. She's not perfect by any means, and not every aspect of her is something I want to blindly support or act in my normal gachikoi manner about.
...And then she does one super cute utawaku and I'm head over heels again for her. And don't even get me started on when she goes into her GFE mode sometimes. God damn, I'm literally unable to not just fall 5 times harder in love when she does some GFE shit. Basically, I love Matsuri (to an unhealthy degree but I'm ok with it)