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Hello, and a happy menhera monday to you!
My name is Odette BALB/c, former vtuber. I am not sure if this is a good idea or not; I don't really have a good history with self posting and I don't even really lurk here all too often these days but even if I abandon it I have come to realize that until I acknowledge the history I have here it is impossible to do anything else. I can accept the bed that I have made for myself and that my actions have had consequences, but I have also become the sort of person that drags down anyone who speaks to me and that is absolutely terrible. My intention with vtubing was primarily to have a social hobby and now I have found myself as isolated as I was at this point last year. On a personal level too, it hurts to be considered a toxic person that has a desire to hurt others, because above all I do want to be a kind person and form lasting bonds and understand the emotions of others. Even with my vtuber wedding, it genuinely was intended to be ridiculous, and shocking sure, but not hurtful to people and yet it wound up being the catalyst for a whole lot of hurt. It wasn't even intended to be mean to the "dj", they had actually reached out to me around the time of my cosplay bracelet steam and sent a kind apology and we both went on our way. That said, my stupid wedding edits were in bad faith because before that interaction I was upset at how things had gone down before and the blood demon thing but my intention there was to be annoying, not downright cruel but again, that still was the wrong decision in that even if you don't get along with someone and feel hurt by them getting bothered and retaliating doesn't help anyone and just makes you cruel as well. But the wedding itself, it wasn't intended to be bad it was intended to be silly and I am truly sorry to have caused people hurt.
And I am also sorry to people who have been targeted for interacting with me and I would like to add here, if you do want to cut me off because you feel that I have acted too unethically or even simply because I have a pretty bad image that is absolutely, totally fine and I would never hold it against you! I hate the notion of dragging others down.
I do not really think of myself as a "here chuuba"but it is absolutely true that I got a tremendous boost from my streams being posted here in my earliest days and I am grateful for anyone that has ever tuned into my streams and spent their times having little chitchats with me and humoring my idle thoughts. I am sorry that I wound up being a disruptive force in a community that had been welcoming to me. I don't have very much innate ability to understand other people's motives and emotions and accurately guess the way my actions can affect others, but I do promise that doesn't mean I don't care about it and I understand that I am at fault. I am not trying to pander to you guys by posting this, or regain your viewership or anything along those lines, this is just an attempt to part on better terms this time around. Take care and goodbye …ᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷ
