>>1625137ok here's the full report
The session consisted of three turds and lasted 5 minutes and 12 seconds.
I first laid two layers of five sheets toilet paper to prevent splashback. I arranged them such that the first layer is perpendicular to the long side of the square formed by the poop water, the second layer is parallel.
Then I pushed. The first turd required a surprising amount of work because it feels like it was growing sideways. Accordingly, it flew out of my sphincter with the force of a speeding bicycle. Despite my best attempts at layering, Poseidon came out of the crap water and smooched my unshaved behind.
The second and third turd came out in quick succession, each about a foot long and matching the girth of the average penis in the Democratic Republic of the Congo.
I needed three sheets of toilet paper. The third one came back clean.
Finally, I flushed.
Thank you for your attention.
