>>34942520I understand. I've been trying not to vent much because I don't want to make the mood of the thread any lower than it already is, but this shit is painful. I fucking hate it. When I stop and think that this is it, that after our next meeting I'm still trying to plan it'll be over for good and I'll have lost her a second god damn time, it makes me feel worse than I've felt in so long. Fucking shit, this on top of also losing a real actual family member recently sucks. It's taking a whole lot to keep going.
But at the same time, I'm happy it happened. To experience just a piece of how happy she made me way back when was heaven. It's made me love and appreciate her somehow even more than I did. I'm going to keep holding onto these memories forever, I know she'll always be there with my through everything even if not physically as long as I keep holding on. And with her by my side in spirit, I know I can continue on. I know I can get through this.
I have to keep going. I've done it before kinda, I can do it again. It's important that I do, because if I didn't? I don't know what'd happen. I'd lose myself, that's for sure, and from there it'd all just get worse. It's important now for me to just focus on all the amazing times as well as my love for her instead of weighing myself down with all the negatives. After all, what's the point in happy memories if you only focus on the negatives they carry behind them? I won't let this loss cloud my vision of all those times she made me feel incredible.
I hope what I'm saying is getting through to you, or anyone else here who's lost someone dear to them in this whole thing. It hurts, it really fucking hurts, but as long as you keep the memories close and try to focus more on the positives than the negatives, you'll pull through. You can do this, you all can.
