>>48985354Alright this is just from my experience:
Depression will definitely do that, I know how that feels. On those days, what you should try to do is step back and sit in silence for like 15-30 minutes in nature if possible, if not somewhere where you won't be distracted by technology. This will give you space to relax a bit and do any necessary thinking, like on what it is that is making you feel down. You mention the fear of failure: That's what I've dealt with too.
All I can really say is, use the time to contemplate, and ask yourself some questions, and give yourself affirmations too, for example:
>What's worse, rosebud? Trying and failing, or regretting never trying at all?>Would running away from this actually help fix it or just make the pile of problems bigger?>"The master has failed more times than the beginner has even tried.">What can I change to make things better for myself and the people who care?>What kind of skills do I need to practice to achieve my dreams?>What can I organize better in my life to achieve my dreams?>Aren't you sick of it? Aren't you tired of being sad and sorry for yourself? You're capable, but nothing gets done on thoughts alone, so just do it!>The world isn't going to wait for you to be ready, you have to do that yourself.After taking the time to beat out the thoughts paralyzing you, just work on what it is you want to work on. Set yourself a timer to do this, 5-10 minutes... Often times you'll find that once you actually start doing the thing, your mind gives in on trying to convince you that you shouldn't do it/don't need to do it. When you're doing it, you'll feel better and possibly even get into the flow state.
I don't know your work situation but I'm assuming since you mention temp work, you work on commission or gigs? If you work in that kind of field, only you can decide for yourself what jobs you end up taking. You can work in professional industries but the creative freedom you desire can only be done on an individual level. If your fear is starting... You need to find a way to try. Start making whatever it is you want to make and start posting it online. Build up your portfolio, then you can seek opportunities with interested individuals and maybe even companies. The only thing stopping you is yourself. I don't know if any of this will help but I'm hoping that something sticks and you'll learn to overcome that fear, anon. Love ya!
>I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain. 