Quoted By:
Dear Riifu,
I hope life has been treating you well during the time we've been apart. I'm excited for you and the possibity of you adopting those cats you seemed so in love in with. Knowing how well you get on with animals I've got no doubts they will fall in love with you and shower you in love and affection.
I wish I could say things on my end have been good, but you know I can't lie to you...As you know so very well, I'm not stable, about as far from stable as one can be and still attempt to function in society. I know I don't need to explain it to you, you've got your own problems and challenges you face as well, you probably understand my plight more than most. However, you're understanding is part of what has been making things so hard on me lately...
You know how unhealthy of a connection I have to you and yet you continue to keep me in the dark. You keep posting and saying things that do nothing but cause me to worry that you'll be gone when I turn around. Please don't take this as me feeling entitled to a detailed in depth look into your personal life, I'm not that schizo, I would never want you to feel pressured into sharing what you aren't comfortable with. I just need something, anything to hold onto, good or bad news I don't care. I simply want something to dispel the uncertainty that weighs heavy on my soul.
Tell me if you're just talking a break and cutting back on streams to priortize other things, whether the change is permanent or not I will understand and support you.
Tell me if you're graduating or stepping away from being Riifu, so I can focus on the time we have left instead of being haunted by the uncertainty I can't help but feel about the future.
Tell me anything, anything at all to assuage this unhealthy, unreasonable pain I feel.
I'm sorry for what I've become. I don't blame you. I know that it's my fault for letting my guard down and getting so attached. The "relationship" we've cultivated since your debut was never healthy, for either of us, and you may feel some of the blame for that, but I don't want you to.
The most important thing is the time we spent together, the laughs we had, and all the coom we shared. Whatever happens in the future, whether you combat the uncertainty that looms like a dark cloud before it strikes. Or face it when it finally boils over and you have no other choice, just know I will support you. I will never forget this amazing period of my life, not if it ends on Sunday and not if it lasts for years.
Don't worry about me, I'm tough, even if this letter portrays the opposite. Moving on may be difficult but it can be a beautiful thing. A catalyst for growth and change like a caterpillar going through metamorphosis, it takes time but the end result is something liberating, a gateway to a brighter future.
Whether I undergo this metamorphosis with you or after you've gone, you will have played a crucial part, you will have been my catalyst.
Riifu, I'll never understand what you're dealing with, I know that. And as you said "if you knew what I knew. You'd understand and nod." I have no doubts this is the case. As such, even with the uncertainty I feel bubbling to the surface, I want you to know that deep down, underneath all that bad stuff is nothing but my implicit love and support for you.
Thank you for everything Riifu, for what was, and what may yet come. Thank you so much.
