>>41483374Pretty good for a first time writing with an unknown character. Not quite as I would have written her dialogue, but that mainly comes to me delegating a lot of the scene to describing character movement and expression. Oh and a few more things, while I'm at it: as the other Hoo said, she wouldn't really be showing herself that openly, at the very least she would wear your clothing to blend in better. And her body, despite the example given in the character sheet, which was made only because degenerates wanted to know if she has tits and ass, is remarkably human-like. You would be able to tell if you looked at her for a bit, but I don't think they'd be able to spot the difference from afar, specially if she was covered up. Tho that isn't really all that important desu, maybe I need to go back and write some more detail on her appearance, I was kinda quick on that part. And lastly, she didn't build her body days before the end, but in the decade after, while fixing the station. This is the only one where I would actually insist on correcting the mention, gotta keep it consistent ya know. Pretty sure I mentioned that in the sheet as well, otherwise I do apologize, I'll need to correct that.
Overall, fun story, you did a good job with her!
