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I had already been masturbating almost exclusively to my oshi for a couple of months before New Years' when I had the bright idea to masturbate using a picture of herself my oshi drew while listening to her. You know, as a joke, as some kind of new year good luck charm that I don't really even believe in.
For the next four months, I masturbated using only my oshi's self-portraits, Live2D and official art, until I decided this joke has gone on long enough and is going to be quite harmful to my mental health in the long run, especially since my threesome fetish was rearing its ugly head in a real forceful way after being denied for so long. So in honour of April 1st, I decided to masturbate to my oshi's sister instead whose design checks out more of my fetishes. I genuinely, truly, felt physically ill after the fact, as if I'd have cheated on a real girlfriend. I didn't think I was a gosling, but now I'm not so sure. Like, I'm not delusional and thought I'm just watching this for the entertainment, but that kind of emotional reaction is absolutely not normal. Anyway, I got over myself in a couple of days, but since then the memory of the pain has prevented me from masturbating to anyone but my oshi and her sister, since that was kind of a done deal already. At least now I'm able to use porn of them instead of just official art and satisfy my threesome fetish.
