>>26995912I am going to be perfectly honest. I am not enough of a history autist to look up the references you make, though I enjoy when you explain them in the thread. If I could offer some critique, your myth is incredibly sparse on...not detail, exactly. Real myths do tend to have that straightforward quality to them. But it's lacking a certain sense of wonder, I suppose? For what is meant to be a telling of a myth, there's little to no focus on the mythological elements. You could certainly do with some more adjectives, at the very least! I don't think you even once describe the appearance of the goddesses, or the sword, or even the entire other world Pomerlane apparently found himself in! This isn't to say you have to wax poetic about Elira's beauty for three paragraphs or whatever, but a simple, quick identifying word or two when a new character/object of importance shows up will do a lot to add flavor to your writing. For example, when Finana first appears, instead of just immediately saying
>Finana spoke firstI personally might've wrote
>The goddess with hair the color of sunlit shores spoke first,And I personally also would've probably given the scenery outside Pomerlane's room some outlandish, surreal description instead of outright saying "he's no longer in the land of the living." It's just your usual habit of telling rather than showing rearing up again.
