>>15104230I used to be like you and I occasionally fall back into the same thought patterns. I only broke out of them when I was in high school because I had a crush on a girl and I wanted to become worthy of her. It went nowhere, but my desire to at least become worthy of someone got me a few years of effort at least, even with some rough patches & periods of total despair. Honestly, I got stuck again in a depressive spiral soon after I finished college a few years back and spent the time just wasting away in a dead end office job that I didn't start breaking out of intil I started vtubers earlier this year and was still barely out of zombie status until watching some of Menace's streams myself.
Being a depressed sack of shit is easy. Even after years of grinding and finally getting a foothold in where you want to be, it's a lot easier to just stay where you are and go through the motions than it is to keep pushing onward. Sure, your life sucks, but if you are a defeatist and don't do anything you don't have to make any effort to improve it and don't have to exhaust yourself and feel a bit worse in your day to day life.
You can do it though. She said it herself, she bekieves that you can work in yourself and get better. Go for a mile long walk, go study something you're interested in for 30 minutes, try to learn a new skill or practice a skill you'd given up on years ago. I'm certain there are a billion things you don't like about your life or wish you could do better, just pick one and go at it for 30 minutes or so every day for a month. You don't have to chance everything at once (and chances are if you try you'll burn out immediately) but just push yourself to improve, work on things and do it better. Become the ideal version of yourself. Again, you can do it.
