>>69431888I have some issues with it.
i think the transition between scene A and scene B is too abrupt, like suisei comes out of the card reading session and is instantly in the cover HQ. I would have personally worked that in a flashback or something.
Id advise and simply change Anon to be suisei's long time manager. I dont understand the infantilization fetish but here i feel like she's too trusting and far too quick to open to this stranger.
As a last bit, i think you made suisei TOO childish. She feels like a literal kid, rather than a eccentric girl that has childlike quirks. my suggestion is that you pull back a bit and try to reach an equilibrium where its fine for her to be this trusting while also not being a complete deadweight. That would greatly help the eventual tender moment
