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Don't be sorry, don't be embarrassed. All humans are weird, because all animals are weird, and in the grand scheme of things it's not any weirder than anything most people think about or do, so don't feel bad. I don't mean to be a concern troll, and if I'm being baited lol got me, but I do think if it's sincere, then stream isn't the place to talk about it. Not because it's something shameful, but because you never know who is recording what or when it will come up again and, at some point in the future a bad actor might try to abuse the situation. If that's fine, then no worries, but if you think that might be painful or hurtful in the future, please exercise caution.
I know there are a lot of good, supportive people, but being overly open and overly trusting can lead to sad outcomes sometimes.
Sorry for the blogpost, and if I'm just projecting my own insecurities based on my own past experiences, but the internet can be cruel.