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God I wish I was happily married to Zen. She would be really loving and caring. We would make sweet love together. Time would cease to exist as we cuddled together.I would caress her and there would be no world besides us two. Something in my gut told me that it was wrong and unnatural. Everything I wanted and craved with all my heart, but it just wasn't right.
God I wish Zen was cruel and abusive towards me. How I long for those nights when she slapped me around and kicked me in the balls. Those moments where I couldn't move for hours because she pinned me down and strangled me with her legs wrapped tightly around my throat. How I yearn for that feeling of being utterly powerless. Of having nowhere else to go and no one else to turn to. I would dream about those nights where I writhed in pain, unable to sleep, after being beaten black and blue by Zen's loving impacts. I'd miss her chain whipping across my back and her sweet lips hurling insults with her hot breath on my skin.
I would miss it when she bites my neck until it bleeds. I would miss it when she spanks my butt and tells me that I deserve it. I would miss all of it. God I wish Zen hit me whenever she felt like it. That she would throw me around and leave me bruised for days. I'd love it when she punched my chest or slammed my head against the wall. She would notice the water in my eyes as we lay in bed and ask 'what's wrong, honey?' The tears would fall out as I lied and said 'nothing. I love you so much you wouldn't believe...'
