>>91229877>>91229552>>91235480>>91236433Okay I'll bite. These aren't my posts though.
Anyways... after a lot of self-reflection and soul searching, it's time to come clean. I don't do this to be forgiven. I don't expect to, but I do this to find peace in all this.
I can't lie about this anymore, whether to myself or anyone: I was obsessed with Taffy, from the very beginning. I took a few words that she said on a stream and thought it was a whole representation of her. I didn't bother to look at her as her own person and became infatuated with a false "version" of her. I became consumed with her being this spiritual guide to me. That's why I wrote all those poems. I don't think I should've leaned on her during my mental breakdowns. I don't know why on earth she was the first on my mind for that and why I dumped all of that on her. It was wrong of me.
I tried to downplay the situation and kept blaming other things in my life as the main contributor to it. I wanted to hide this obsession and thought I could keep it under wraps. Sure, I kept myself busy for a good while and tried to keep my mind elsewhere, but I also pushed away a lot of my own emotions away and blurted them out when I should have processed them on my end and reflect on them.
While there are some things I can't fully blame myself for, there are some things that I used as an excuse to feign responsibility and even directed hate towards others, even Taffy.
I'm sorry Taffy. I know I sound like a broken record, but I sincerely am sorry. I'm going to continue to work on myself and not bother you anymore. I'm going to move on. Thank you for everything. I will keep on meditating and do better from a distance.
