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As of the 14th, I've been streaming across multiple access for 10 years and creating content in general for 16 years, and I can't help but feel like I've failed.
I heard advice from someone who started back in like 2020 and blew up "Just keep going you'll make it eventually" after he had a few videos go viral.
I've had multiple opportunities to be where I want to be, even if I didn't care that much about making a career out of this, and I failed to capitalize on all of that.
I've been working on a 10-year streaming video talking about my time as a content creator and presenting all of that as a happy time to celebrate moment makes me feel so fucking sick.
I watched a lot of friends blow up this year and I'm so happy for them, some of them took advice from me and it worked out for them. I'm so proud of them genuinely but at the same time makes me want to gut myself alive.
I've feel like I lost many friends this year trying to grind out a bunch of projects this year that didn't work out and now I feel bad getting in contact because I don't want to seem like clout chasing..
Combine that with struggling to find a job and streaming ended up becoming my only source of income and the pressure to do well not only for financial reasons but also so I don't seem like a clout chaser when trying to reconnect with friends I haven't talked to, because I was grinding out some hustle that I wish I never even attempted.
