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Gentlemen, for the past few days, I haven't been able to sleep, I keep hearing noises under my bed at night, it sounds like someone licking and sucking and slurping something, I feel like there's another presence other than myself in my house, I can just... Feel it, every time I go to the bathroom, I can just feel it right behind me, and every time I don't look sooner than before I can feel it getting closer, and I keep hearing these awful slurping noises, but as soon as I look behind me, It's gone, I once caught a glimpse of it, it had pale white skin, and a banana on his hair, it also had a very short frame(5'8), but I couldn't make out any further details.
Every time I pee, my stream sways away steadily under my bed rather than land in the toilet water, even when I jerk off, my semen flows respective to the air currents manipulating it go under my bed, in fact these air currents are so strong, they attract phallic objects in an odd fashion from miles away, I had sustained property damage by having my windows broken several times, I even almost got hit once by one, it was a large plastic horse penis that flew perpendicular to my head but it missed by a centimeter crashing into my wall then rolling to my bedroom to reside under my bed to whatever is attracting them.
Gentlemen, I am scared, I woke up several times without my pants, and I don't know what to do, I will call 911, and pray they take care of whatever is under my bed.
