>>89956102i like this a lot, your writing is good and the only real criticism i have about it is in the beginning you really abuse the emdashes and then suddenly use an ellipsis instead for the same purpose.
I think this benefits a lot from using an established setting and characters so you don't have to waste a lot of time on making sure every little thing gets described and the world explained to the reader, I had a good time just immersing myself in the fiction and the plot you set up. It made for a fun and easy read. Would definitely read more.
