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Fuck, man. It's so hard to keep the brainworms away. I'm trying so hard but they're relentless. I wish I could just rip them out of my head and crush them in my hand. I hate how much power they hold over me. It's a good thing I'm trying to get /fit/ and don't have any alcohol otherwise I'd be downing an entire liter tonight to try and make them stop talking. All the nice things she's said and the positive affirmations she's given have been torn apart. That's the worst part. I am disrespecting her so much by doing that and I feel like a piece of shit. But I can't stop it from happening. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate myself for doing that to her. The worms just took that from me and left me with nothing. Now they're feasting on my misery. I wish she was here. I need her here. But I don't deserve her right now. I don't deserve anyone. Not like this. It's my fault. My problem. I need to deal with it. Tomorrow they'll be gone. Hopefully for longer than usual. Hopefully forever. But I know they won't. They'll be back. And all the happiness and progress I've made will be shattered yet again. I'm done. I just want to hear her voice right now. I'm so lonely.
