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she told me to calm down, gave me a drink, and i don't know what it was in the drink but i blacked out. and when i woke up she had both of my legs over her shoulders and was numb sucking my asshole like there is no tomorrow. i tried to fight it, i tried to get away but i was restrained. she told me that i liked it, she told me not to worry because she's the good jelly, the smuckers. so nobody's payed me to confess this now, and i've kept it under wraps for all these years until now because nobody would believe...nobody would believe that koopa fortuna ate my asshole