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FUWAMOCO IF YOU ARE HERE DO NOT READ THIS. EVERYONE IS SUPER EXCITED AND HAPPY FOR YOU! YOU WILL GO SO FAR AND ACCOMPLISH ALL THAT YOU EVER DREAMED OF AND MORE.
I can't say this anywhere else so I'm just going to work through it here. The moment they said they were moving to Japan, my heart sank into my stomach. I felt nothing but sadness and regret. I know people will say I should be happy for them, that is the culmination of their hard work and it will help them achieve even more of their dreams. That if I feel anything but overwhelming joy, I'm a fake fan. But I can't help how I feel. I'm alone and selfish and I wanted them to stay in NA. And yes I know they said that their stream times won't change, that other things won't change, but that's impossible for them to promise. There will be certain things that will be out of their control and living in a completely different timezone and country WILL have an impact. Their tweets will happen when I'm asleep. My tweets will happen when they're asleep. Fuwamoco Morning will not actually be the morning for them. We won't be sharing that same feeling of waking up. At the VERY least, their English will get worse because they won't be using it nearly as often, while their Japanese will get better. Same thing happened to Kiara, Haachama, and other Holos. I feel like I won't lose them immediately, just slowly, bit by bit. They really did feel like one of the only good parts of Hololive EN and this feels like a loss for the branch. We can't even get a fucking branch office or warehouse in NA to ease the insane shipping prices on all the merch we pay for and buy, but our talents can go to Japan. Suisei's concert in NA wasn't even fucking live, because they can't work out how to do it from overseas. Connect the World wasn't live either. Japan gets lives and we get prerecorded videos including the MC sections.
I feel disgust and anger with myself for having these thoughts. This is the happiest moment of their life, and all I can think about is how they feel further away now. They are further away now. I will never ever let them know this of course, I'll just vent it here and then try to see them off with a smile. I'm sure a lot of people will say I'm a raider, or a schizo, or a troll, but this is genuinely what I'm feeling. Even if the impossible happens and NOTHING changes (and it will) what was revealed to me today is that maybe I shouldn't be their fan if I can't even be happy for them. That feels like the biggest loss of all. It feels like a parting of ways. But hey, at least I posted it here so if they see it that's on them. I honestly considered posting a comment on the VOD, but that would just hurt them, and I don't want to do that. And deep down, they know this too, they framed this as a big announcement because changes will be coming. Even if they don't want them to. I feel like crying, but I'm so tired I can't even muster the energy to do that. I just feel numb.
