>>51795114You definitely reached your goal of showing more reactions to the given situation, so nice going there! A little more background around Botan and the spears in general was nice. I was not expecting the chuubas to show up who did, so that was nice. I can kinda feel the buildup and passion you have for the arc your weaving, so I'm definitely interested to see how it plays out. It's not really a knock on the story so far, but everything has been quickly episodic almost, so it'll be nice to see how a interconnected arc works for you. A piece of feedback for the future when you have situations where Anon is split or not present from whoever you are currently writing about: Refer to (You) in the third person. If we are reading from basically an overlooking perspective on Botan herself and having a window into her thoughts, she would refer to him as "anon". Another piece of feedback regarding the dialogue, you're getting better at adding a little more dressing to the back and forth, but you still have some spurts where it's purely spoken word. For example, when Botan snaps at Anon to get going, it would be a nice detail to add that some of her lion features showcase themselves to really instill that fear and show dominance. Keep writing and keep improving bro and thanks for the content!
Poor Noel, she's almost a fantasy fic staple jobber, lol, lmao 