Oh boy blogpost/rant time
>>23692311Going to be honest with you OP I'm kind of scared as well about life. I feel a certain amount of existential dread due to the fast approaching end of the year.
Sure I'll feel like my life has made improvements, but at the same time the inevitability of my eventual demise is fast approaching. So I can't really afford to spend my life destroying stuff.
Now that I think about it, I'm not really scared anymore. Just accepting of my own limits and stubbornness. I want to do my best to treat my faults.
I can't really cure some faults as they are all biological.
But the mind is my most difficult opponent as I can't really fight it. I know exactly how I think, what I think, but my brain cannot fundamentally correct that.
It could be my own fault of spending too much time on the internet which is decreasing my overall intelligence as we speak. Yet I feel at the same time this isn't even the reason.
It could be a mixture of unresolved family issues I can't fully comprehend or have repressed throughout my life.
I sense that it's just my overall lack of will to change that affects my overall future and mood. Making things worse for my family and myself.
It hurts to think because I don't want to think about my thoughts. I don't want to think about the pain and suffering in my life. I just want to be happy I think.
My brain hurts to think about this. I might go to sleep.
