>>51509763The setting is nice and your narrative voice is very entertaining. Your prose really does its job well at keeping the reader hooked.
The bits of back and forth between Wawa and you are very sweet, althought it scalated to sex rather quickly.
Me personally, I would've written something like "Jesus, get laid you stuck-up cunt. Oh, that's right, no guy can put up with your shit long enough for you to fuck them."
"You're telling me to get laid?" She smirked as her eyes closed. "The only women willing to fuck your micro-dick are the dollar whores you can pay."
And then it goes on from there.
The smut was on-fucking-point. You really made your descriptions work for you.
The Omake was fun as well.
Some sentences are weird. I recommend you read your writings aloud so you can hear what's right and what's not.
and the girth is intimidating for some girls (and you can quote them on that) The second and is a bit redundant.
Formatting could be better.
‘’I thought you were German, but you drink like a muslim’’ She flips the bird at you.
Since the line is (you)rs, Kiara's action should be a different paragraph.
Aside from that there's a few punctuation or grammatical errors.
Whenever you use i as in "I am" you have to capitalize it.
"you can help but have your heart skip a bit" is "Can't help it but have your heart skip a beat."
"You plant a kiss in her pubis" Pubes.
This is more of a nitpick but I would've broken up more the paragraphs.
I'm excited to see what else you'll write.
Buen trabajo mi negro.
