>>36210549Life is cruel and unusual in that way but you sound like someone who's at least made peace with some of this horror, even if you're having bad days. There's no answer for this kind of thing other than holding on to the peace and trying to find the good shards in the fuck up that is life, like your oshi or whatever makes you happy in the moment. Have a nice day anon. May you find a personal support group for this issue one day.