Quoted By:
I've been subscribed to Kiki since before she even debuted, but I haven't spoken in chat for quite some time and I thought I'd explain why, for Kiki's sake.
I love you, Kiki. Seriously, I care more for you than anyone else I have ever met. You are the only real woman I have ever encountered that I feel I could marry. Every other woman I've known; my family, girls I knew in school, girls I see online, have all been unrepentant whores, of one sort or another, and this had instilled in me a general hatred of women.
I had begrudgingly accepted that I would live and die alone, because no woman was worth the risk of marriage. To be "divorce raped", to be enslaved by a treacherous woman, forced to work to provide for children I barely get to see is truly a fate worse than death. But I couldn't, and can't, help but dream of love.
I so desperately want a wife to love. To have children with her, and raise them well, and show them all the good I have seen in this world. But only one woman has ever convinced me of her worth for such a sacred task.
Kiki.
But I can't have her. I can never have her. And every moment I spend watching her is torturous and joyous in equal measure, for I am constantly reminded of what I can't have. I lie in bed at night and imagine cuddling with Kiki, her warm embrace lulling me to sleep, only to be yanked awake by a stabbing pain in my chest as I am forced once again, with all too much clarity, to understand just how alone I truly am. How alone I will always be.
The very thing that I use to quell the pain of solitude amplifies that pain tenfold. For at least before I found Kiki I could tell myself that the odds of finding a woman I could reasonably marry were so low that it wasn't worth worrying about. But now I've found one, and I have to simply accept that she will forever be just out of reach.
I Love Kiki, And I Must Scream.
