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Lets be sane for a moment, I'm just another weirdo on the net whose got it in their head that there's something special about them. I don't think I understand how to be kind to myself. I do know that one person on this website knows who I am, and at this point I don't care who. If you're reading this, please, just shoot me a message. One that's clear you're from 4chan, all else I don't care. Use a burner account, just no more double speak, no more "signs". I need to feel sane if I'm going to do shit again.
Just "having it" isn't doing it for me. I got performance anxiety like a motherfucker and every conversation I have with people makes me feel like they want me gone. I just wanted to sing Karaoke and I couldn't stop shaking. I thought I was passed this.
I went to go do the Hentai reading and got skipped for like 2 solid straight hours. Why? My entire bit was about crabs and it seemed like everyone else had a good time afterward. For real this is the shit that just makes me want to stay in and not be around anyone anymore. And even then that happiness was fleeting, I don't know what makes me happy, keep trying to figure it out.
