>>9956731>>9957532I read it as well and these critiques are essentially what I thought as well. The MC seems to really not give a damn what's happening, I feel that most individuals would not instantly start accepting such a transformation and be so accepting of weird circumstance.
I think after the second drink is a good point to bring up any internal conflict he may have as the changes are much more distinct this time around as compared to the first. i.e. control magic or whatever.
>>9957824I understand this is what you're going for and that the MC wants a new life, but I still find it unlikely that the MC would also just wildly accept a complete change to himself that entirely changes everything they have done in their life. You have to realize that most people would not really sympathize with MC due to him just being beaten down in life, unless you give a decent description of what caused such a beaten down attitude. Being thrown into MC's horrible life, makes it harder to understand his mindset without giving more context on said horrible life. The main idea is that you either should decide to give more context to MC's extreme depressive attitude, or change the MC entirely to allow for previously internal conflicts.
Personally, I think internal conflicts makes for a stronger (and easier) story objectively, but it is also your wishes to write the MC however you desire.I hope I didn't beat you down so much for it, I really do like where the story is going, and I like the steps you took to make the transformation sequence more elaborate.
