>>80286254I've spent a total of about $15k+ on my oshi, and its not stopping anytime soon. The "tangible value" I got? There is none, only feelings.
The feeling I get when she reads my superchats and remembers things I'd said so long ago. The feelings I get when I buy her merch, knowing I'm helping to provide for her, something I'll never ever be able to do for a real woman. The feelings I get when she recognizes my name on twitter or in chat, the familiarity she has with me.
>she doesnt actually love you>you're pathetic>she hates youYes. You can say that, and I may even agree with you on some level, but tomorrow, I'll forget. All that will be left are those good feelings that completely dissipate in these moments she isnt streaming. Sometimes I think about leaving. To join the real world and at least pathetically try to exist in reality, but then I think to myself
>wait, what if she notices and thinks im dead and that makes her sad?and that causes me to always stay.
