>>66573852I think my first impression of this one is the flashbacks could be more seamlessly tied to the next scene they are meant to give the reader some background for. They sometimes feel more like a footnote for the world's history rather than a scene meant to give meaning to the coming actions. The first flashback in this chapter worked a little better than the second, but it might have done nicely with some flair about how Lui was thinking back on that day, or how she's come into her role since then.
I saw a few formatting things upon my first read that needed some attention, but you seemed to have taken care of a few of them already.
You don’t refuse just refuse handed directly by the guild, especially considering they were engaging in black magic - I'm guessing this was supposed to be something along the lines of "You don't just refuse a job handed out directly by the guild"and
“Alright. If I die to get corrupted somehow, you’ll be the one explaining it to Lui.” she said, holding up the blunt end of her spear to strike - If I die or get corruptedThe overall resolution and sequence of this little quest was interesting, but I think the scenes prior lacked a little oomph to their prose, which sometimes made the reactions being conveyed a little hard to follow.
For example there wasn't a mention of Fubuki even touching the skull or Towa to cause her to get afflicted. A person and their familiar is always a fun angle to explore and flesh out though, so I'll be interested to see where that goes.
