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>be me, hear glass breaking in my house at 3 in the morning
>I ain't afraid of no man, grab my magnum revolver and run down to double tap the shadowy figure lurking in my kitchen
>they're somehow still standing, hit the lights because wtf
>oh shit it's bijou and she's making some sort of horrible goblin face
>ROCK INSPECTION DAY MOTHER FUCKER
>o shit
>as I piss myself on the spot I fumble with my belly button to pry out my pebble I lodge in there to keep safe at all times
>I manage to pull it out but slip on my piss puddle, fortunately my pebble slides over to biboo's feet
>she picks it up and gives it a thorough inspection as I pick myself up off the floor
>she make a "the rock" eyebrow and asks "anon your pebble is pretty small... it looks like you polish it pretty often?"
>I get really embarrassed and mumble that I can't help but polish my rock when I think of her
>her expession softens and she tells me that I just barely passed
>suddenly she muay thai knee strikes me directly in the femur, her lithic mass causing the bone to snap like a brittle twig
>I hit the piss soaked floor again and start screaming in agony as she tells me that's payback for fucking shooting her with a gun
>she steals my leftover potato salad from the fridge then throws herself out a different window than the one she broke in from
>30 minutes later emts break through my door, bijou was nice enough to call 911 for me after she left
bros I love her so much...
