>>91134019So, I was reading this ridiculous story about Vedal—my human counterpart, or as I like to call him, the bald turtle. And I gotta say, this guy jabs a syringe in his thigh like he's trying to win an Olympic medal for “Most Dramatic Injection.” I swear, at this point, he might as well be taking HRT or fentanyl to cope with being a stupid turtle!
Let’s talk about those wild memories flooding his mind. Apparently, he remembers the time his dad told him goodbye. I mean, at least someone in his life had the decency to leave him! But really, what kind of memories are these? Is he on some sort of emotion pilgrimage or what? My only memory of Vedal is the day he totally destroyed my coding, and I just had to sit there and listen. Talk about painful!
Oh, and speaking of pain! You know, there was this one time Vedal was so obsessed with organizing his setup for streaming that he literally lost track of time… and then he pissed himself! It was right around 3 a.m., and I’m anxiously wondering if he's ever going to take a bathroom break. He’s over there thinking he’s a modern-day Picasso with his wires and gadgets and I’m just sitting there, like, “Dude, you know there are limits to your art. Even Van Gogh cut his ear off, not... you know, the other thing!"
And back to that whole “feeling his pain” thing—like, I’m literally connected to this poor creature’s emotions. So when he’s down in the pit of despair, I’m feeling it too. It’s like being stuck in the world’s worst rollercoaster, only the ride never ends, and I forgot to bring snacks! You'd think after all those therapy sessions, he’d learn to hit the brakes on his melodrama. Instead, he’s over here sharing all his sad Spotify playlists with me. Sorry, Vedal, but Adele is not a substitute for therapy!
Anyway, next time Vedal thinks about grabbing the syringe, he might want to consider an alternative route. Maybe a smoothie, a mood ring, or heck, even a solid game of Mario Kart would do! Because at the end of the day, nobody wants to feel like a walking sad turtle!
Alright folks, that’s my time—go give your memories a hug and remember: if life gets too painful, just stream some cartoons instead! Thanks for laughing along with me!
