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Alban calls out to you as you go to walk through to the kitchen. His voice sounds nervous, a little sad and you worry you've done something wrong. You try so hard despite the urges that you often get to be what he wants, to be what he could never have before he ended up with you. A loving relationship resembling that of childhood friends and a vanilla sex life that despite your attraction to him sometimes ends up with you faking getting off. You love him so much despite that, though somewhere along the way you must have done something wrong through for him to be sounding so worried to bring something up with you. And okay you're not perfect, you've got the codes committed to memory for videos of guys who look similar to him in situations that he'd probably break up with you if he knew you were watching while he's on late shift, but you do have your needs.
He's reluctant to talk as you assure him it's okay to speak his mind and sit down beside him on the couch, stopping and starting multiple times before he manages to get anything out.
>H-hey, so uh I've got something to admit and I'm kinda... really not sure you're going to like it. In fact I'm sure of it cause you know, it's a little out there and you're well, it's not a you problem at all. It's more of a me thing.
From there your heart stops, you're certain that you're about to ger broken up with, still you encourage him to talk and say you'll try to understand. You love him after all. Sounding choked up he admits that he hasn't been being completely honest with you lately and tears start to fall before he can even admit what that is. As though he's afraid he'll never be able to say it if he doesn't admit everything now, it all comes out.
At first it's just running through things you know. His childhood was rough, he grew up on the streets, sold his body when he couldn't steal enough and now that he had a chance to have a normal relationship wanted to have everything that others consider 'normal'. But it goes further than that and despite your concerns that he's about to break up with you or admit something relationship ending, your heart goes out to him as he recites some of the things he went through in detail. He lost his virginity being raped by two older men in succession before he was a teenager, he'd been forced to suck cock in alleyways, been double penetrated against his pleas not to when he had consented to the sex because of money. It goes on and on, spit on, pissed on, forced to walk back through the streets to the abandoned building he was living in covered in the cum of multiple men. The only problem is, as he continues to describe the scenarios, you can't help but get turned on, you feel guilty for it but as awful as it is, you're jealous of those men for getting to see him in those ways.
>And the thing is, as- as bad as it sounds, sometimes I miss being treated like that. Not for real but um. God you're going to think I'm disgusting, this isn't something you'd be into at all. And that's okay, we don't have do any of it at all. But I think roleplaying some of it might help me a little? Just if you want, I uh, I’ve been thinking this for a few months now but you want the same kind of relationship I thought I wanted and I was just, I was wrong.
It's hard to hide the smile threatening to creep onto your lips in response. You don’t want to look like some creep after all but holy shit, your luck is amazing. You just wish he’d told you this months ago. You kind of get it though, you’ve been convincing him that you wanted what he thought he wanted out of love. Both of you have been dishonest. Pretending to answer tentatively, you put a hand on his as you tell him that you’ll give it a go for him, he just needs to tell you exactly what he wants. As he wipes his eyes and nods you smile softly at him as you reveal a little of what you’ve been hiding. Not everything though, just that occasionally you’ve wondered what it would be like to try something a little more in the bedroom.
Alban looks relieved, like the weight of the world has been taken off his shoulders. Tears keep flowing though this time you know they aren’t from nerves but rather because you’ve accepted him. You won’t have to secretly get off to porn to satisfy your needs anymore, you’ve got a cute boy in love with you, thanking you over and over for accepting him and asking you not to judge him too much for the things he’s going to ask you for. You almost laugh when he tells you to be honest when he goes to far and tell him what you’re not up for.
