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A few months ago I decided that I would do something nice for my oshi and try my hand at creating a highlights video for a game she had streamed. I spent a good 30 hours combing through a few 6-9 hour streams and finding the best bits to cut out, string together, and add in a few effects for comedy's sake, all of which I learned on the fly. I was finally satisfied with everything I had done, then uploaded the video and posted it.
And then... nothing. Not a single word. No "thank you", no "good job", no disinterested "cool", not even a simple like or retweet.
I told myself before this that I wouldn't need any kind of affirmation, that I could just throw this out into the world and not care if she likes or hates it. However, I realize now that's not the case for me. It makes me feel like shit having put all that effort into something and knowing that she saw it but chose not to engage with it at all.
I no longer watch her any more, I've tried several times but it just makes me sad knowing I'm not worth the effort.
