HoloJourneys Anon again, I fixed up a lot about chapter 1 for my fic. I pretty much axed the entire info dump of part 1 and start at part 2 for this story.
I sprinkled whatever background info when it was needed and hopefully made it a better reading experience overall. Also now there is instant chuuba.
I also tried to catch all the past tense writing I did and changed it to be present so it wasn't swapping between the two so much. I feel a ton better about how this looks now after the feedback I got. Thanks again for the anons who gave it a try and told me how I could improve it.
Let me know if some paragraphs are still too long, I'm still trying to get a feel for how many lines unbroken is too many.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/e/2PACX-1vTnqSxewbVM1XiajdYPVj-1Hal7ODZMF9xKVPZ_NbBa1br4rh4H6NucKc-99sMxHok-NzJ1OhIGB1eW/pub 