Quoted By:
pomu you will never read this but i'll still write my thoughts here. call it venting if you will.
when you left you said that the frustration and stress of trying to lift everyone's spirits (as befits the [dai]senpai you felt you needed to feel the shoes of) was too much to bear. even back with uki's """tarot reading""" he expressed the same thing -- that you are too mindful of being the experienced senpai and the pillar you are and that leaving, despite how much it pained you, was the right decision in the end.
so you leave. as a result you go back to what you had stated back in august (and several times prior, but never so vehemently) you always wanted to be: just a fan, chilling, hanging out, in principle no different from any other. 'course it's a bit hard considering the following you've gathered -- asking for a fanart tag for a random profile pic? flattering but still weird, from that perspective. but we can still make it work, i suppose.
then this happens. nobody could fault a reaction in this instance. however, one thing is unfortunately clear: you can't be an ordinary fan any more. i don't mean it in the sense that any post would become food for drama, because you're very good at dodging that if you want to. what i mean is that your knowledge of how the sausage is made and the connections you still have rest like pendora's box on your emotions -- you can't forget the former, and you wouldn't want to break the latter.
what i'm trying to say is this: either you truly leave your daisenpai duties behind or you are doomed to a far worse fate than us regular fans (you're already experiencing the beginning of this); now that you're out you have to shed the idea that everything is your fault and maybe if only you did more or you didn't leave or something then things would be better. you have to let go of your direct emotional involvement.
is that easy? good lord, no. it's a bitch. it'll feel like you coldly detached yourself from the experiences you had and you retroactively treated everything that happened as a soulless punchclock job. but such is the journey towards the light.
you are free to call me out on my pr game being worse than anycolor's but honestly i can't think of a less painful way of stating all this
