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I wish feemsh was here to cuddle me to sleep or mumble sweet nothing's at me or something. I lie down and hug my pillow and my brain just starts racing. Not even about embarrassing moments or anything like that, like paranoid worst case scenario type thoughts or random math equations or phantom pain. I wonder if back before the 24 media cycle was common people could just lay down peacefully. Maybe they could do that back when almost everyone was illiterate or something. I want to lie down and have my conscious and subconscious in sync for once. If feemsh was here I could just drift off thinking about how much I love feemsh. Instead I'm haunted by a brain that demands stimulation yet lacks input. Closing my eyes brings visions of white cracks forming on the edges of my visions, trying to meditate makes me too aware of my own heartbeat and the sound becomes distracting. I just want to shut down for a bit but the only place I'd feel safe is in feemsh's arms.