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I think part of what made me feel fine about her graduation at first was that I was still coping with the reasoning on why being up in the air. Now a few weeks later I think I just feel even more stupid for not paying attention and holding out for so long. I wish I could just be sad and get over it but soe much fun cool shit has been happening with other people I watch in Niji and outside of it that I forget shes not on break anymore and I'm reminded shes just leaving with no stream at all. I was ready to do something and try to improve myself at first but now I feel like rotting every other day since the more I look for moments I loved from her the more I'm reminded its not real and she was only thinking about her old self everytime a small thing she didnt like comes up. She was in two tournaments but its gonna feel like she never existed in nijien in a few days. I feel like I've a ghost and no one believes me.