>>84750926Thank you for the read and review, I'll make a run back through and trim out some of the namedrops - were there any specific ones that stood out as immersion-breaking? I have a general idea of some that could be trimmed and replaced better, but wanted to make sure I wasn't missing anything major.
>The overall structure of the fic however seems at odds with itself, at least early on.This was in regards to the light worldbuilding next line, yes? Would it help to parse down the intro paragraphs a bit, in terms of describing the two main-player groups and Osaka at large?
Thanks again for the reply, I appreciate the help, and I'll focus more on "Just the facts, Jack" as I get into the parts where Ao starts accidentally destroying landmarks and causing overall chaos. I won't be annoying by posting more WIPs for every single new section, but just to make sure it's allowed, would doing a 60%/90%/Final submission sort of thing be kosher? I'll probably swap to Google Docs next to be more reader-friendly and hopefully format-friendly, but I haven't used it before, to be honest, so I'm hoping it'll be a easy transition from OpenOffice.
