>>59252390I think that's perfectly fine, but saying you felt uncomfortable after already reciprocating so much of the feelings given to him just makes the audience feel like they caused him to feel that way. I saw the stream where he said no one is wrong for enjoying that but that's such a tiny part of what this is about. It just feels exhausting to keep loving him at this point, which I'm used to but this time I can't get rid of this cold feeling in my heart after that stream. And I can't just drop an oshi as easily as normies can. We have memories together, he helped me through so much, and I was there during his lowest points, so just dropping him feels like dropping a part of myself. So to now say that any amount of that may have been something he was pretending to enjoy just because he thought that's what he HAD to do makes it feel like a lie, even though no one forced him to do any of it. I don't like having someone's feelings toward me be a lie, especially not something as serious as love. I don't want to believe that he was doing it on purpose and I'm sure he really does still love us but I can't shake the feeling of knowing the comfort and intimacy he gave may have been forced instead of something he earnestly wanted to do.
I'm gonna go shower now.
