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Reminder your oshi doesn't give a shit about you. All the time or money you put in is propping up a fake relationship. What's worse is that you know it but think making excuses by reframing the situation solves the problem. It doesn't. It never will. Even if you do talk to them in dm's or get some kind of special attention in chats, they're still telling other people the same thing like a customer service script to keep you happy. You're so stupidly happy you don't recognize it when it happens.
At best you'll end up a disposable thrall as a mod on discord. At worst you'll eventually become one of the guys people screenshot from chat because the cringe had to be captured to be believed. And you'll keep doing it too, even after seeing it, because you'll be so deep in your delusion that you won't be able to put the pieces together. You started out with this as entertainment, but that's not really true anymore. Wake up.
>I don't spend any money
Same. Wake up.