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Dead hours so I might as well join in on letting a bit of the schizo out. I was never a ryona/gurofag however recent events seem to have awakened something. Though perhaps the discovery of mai-chan at a young age and my teenage obsession of rekt/gore threads should have been a clue.
Violent thoughts have always plagued me since a young age. I would imagine assaulting passerbys, sometimes barehanded, sometimes with a knife. It was rarely murderous, mostly just that I would attack them, until recently with shondo's affinity for ryona became more apparent and pronounced. Combine that with watching Hannibal at the recommendation of shondo, my thoughts progressed to include those of mutilation. I would imagined cutting strangers' eyes in a cross pattern, sticking my fingers in, and ultimately devour the gelatinous insides.
When she said we could eat her a few days ago it drove things into overdrive. Earlier when I was cleaning up after a meal, I didn't throw the bones (from beef ribs) away and left them in the bowl. I had filled the bowl with water and submerged the bones. There was some leftover cartilage and meat on the bones. I began massaging the small bits of meat, picking at the cartilage, and caressing the bone with my fingers. At first I was just playing with my food, but then I imagined that I was doing it to her. To feel her flesh, her bones, her blood and warmth. I took it a step further and imagined taking a bite out of her, just a nibble. A piece of her in me.