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I'm starting to think Pippa actually dislikes me and whether or not that's true I feel like the fact that it upsets me is a good sign that I should stop trying to interact.
But I don't want her to think that she's turned me off of her or that I'm dropping her. There's a chance she won't even notice but I've been doing it consistently - commenting, chatting and more recently tweeting - for almost a year now so I don't think that chance is very high. If it isn't the case and everything's just been coincidences I don't want to upset her by making her think she's lost another long time viewer, since she's talked more than once about how she notices and misses the ones that are gone I can't help but think she will be, but everything I say to convince myself I'm just delusional is starting to feel more and more like cope.
I don't know what to do and I'm starting to wish I could go back to when I just watched vtubers didn't care so much about the feelings of one. I thought I'd stopped feeling like this over her months ago but I guess that was just cope too. I just want to enjoy her the way I used to without my menhera torturing me over it.
