>>3406233For the sentence starting with
>there are many parts of the modelyou need commas in between "properly" and "which," as well as between "apart" and "revealing."
The sentence about feeling insulted has no merit and ties your response up in emotions on your own behalf. It gives no benefit to the response, and the latter half of the sentence goes off on a tangent about what can only be described as an alleged conspiracy of incompetence, which will fully put the company off from wanting to interact with you. Cut the entire sentence.
The final line is mostly ok, but the last section of reflecting poorly on the company again paints it with an air of hostility. That isn't effective for communication. First off, you forgot to finish the section
>properly resolved in a timelyfinish that with "timely manner,". Secondly, replace the section
>as it reflects poorly upon you as a company.with
>so that your talent can have their best foot forward on stream.or a similar hope for progress.
Otherwise, it's fine.
